I returned from New York City in December 2014, just days before Christmas, having completed a four-month internship programme with Metro World Child. I arrived back in my home city with little idea of what would happen next; having felt that the season I was in was not yet over.
Having been asked to be bridesmaid for my friend in the following March, I decided that remaining in Scotland until then seemed sensible, so I turned down an opportunity to return immediately to New York and instead accepted a ministry job at home on one condition: that it was understood that I was only committing to stay for six months. After all, I still felt I had unfinished business with the States and, therefore, expected to return later that year.
But months ticked by and I was no closer to returning Stateside. I kept a keen eye out for different opportunities and made several inquiries into different ministries but every door shut before me.
Meanwhile, doors for ministry and work were opening effortlessly for me in Scotland. In my fourth month, I felt a burden to begin a childrens’ ministry in the local community where I was working. I did not want to begin something if I was only going to be present for a couple more months so I committed to a further year in employment; the duration of the next full academic year.
Throughout that year I lived with a short-term mentality. Every commitment I made had the disclaimer, “if I’m still here, then I will….” or, “if I’m not gone by then, perhaps…” I sought not to distance myself from everyone and everything so much as I did not want to commit to anything I would not see through until the end. But by the following Spring, having faced challenges and frustrations both professionally and personally, I decided that living with this short-term mentality was unhelpful for both myself and my colleagues. I stopped using disclaimers and decided to be fully present in the season that God had placed me in.
“Ok, God,” I reasoned, “if this is where You have me for now, I will be all here. I will stop living in limbo; neither fully in the present, nor fully in the next season. I will resist trying to make the next step happen, so it is up to You to act when that right time comes. I’m committing to ‘here’ until You move me ‘there’.”
I began putting down roots again and, most significantly, decided to put my apartment up for sale. If I was to remain in my home city for the foreseeable future, then I would invest in a larger place that I could be comfortable in.
But time passed and my apartment attracted very little interest. A number of people viewed it, there were even some promising conversations about follow-up actions and further negotiation, but my apartment didn’t move. However, God did…
It was only once my attitude had changed and I had surrendered my desires, my expectations, and my timing to God, that He began to act. My recent actions had reflected my changed focus and I no longer sought to second-guess God’s timetable, but, instead, to fully embrace my present circumstances. I realised that God had not forgotten me or overlooked me; He had placed me there for that time and with purpose, therefore I should make best use of the time with those people, in that job, living in that city. My change in attitude changed my whole demeanour, and my remaining months there became far more pleasant and enjoyable.
Then, on the last day of that academic year, I flew to Germany to visit a friend for a much-needed weekend break. It was my first time stepping foot on German soil (admittedly, a country well down my travel bucket-list) but it was a cheap weekend break and a greatly anticipated reunion with my friend. There was nothing special about the particular weekend that I had chosen, other than that it being the most convenient for each of our schedules, but I also don’t believe that it is any coincidence that it coincided with the last day of the school year. It was there that God began to nudge me forward once again.
My change in attitude had been the catalyst for God to move in me once again. I changed my priorities and how I spent my time; I chose to invest in myself instead of wasting time daydreaming about what I wanted and sulking because I didn’t have it yet. I became intentional about my own spiritual growth. I fasted TV and movies that summer (a time-consuming hobby of mine) so that I could better invest that time. I dived into God’s Word, I read faith-inspired books packed full of wisdom and personal testimonies. I told God everything that I had been feeling: my hopes, my dreams, my doubts, my disappointments, my failures, and my regrets. God reminded me of the purposes He had created me for but I knew that I was not yet ready to enter into them. So becoming ready became my new goal.
Without rushing ahead or trying to second guess or take control, I simply began asking God, “what next?” And in the meantime, I continued to serve in my existing situation as best as I could.
In the months that followed, God actually used the non-sale of my apartment to direct me further and to finally confirm that a new season was imminent. Though I had initially envisioned this ‘meantime’ season would only last 6 months, it did, in fact, last a little over two years. Neither, of course, did it lead me back to America, but overseas to mainland Europe. The growth and preparation I experienced in that time was absolutely essential in allowing me to step into all that God had prepared for me in Germany. I am unspeakably grateful for that meantime.
In times of waiting, it can be easy to slip into a dreamlike state where your body is firmly in the present, but your mind and heart have gone ahead and are endeavouring to live prematurely in your Promised Land. But we must guard our minds and not allow ourselves to drift too far into the future, that we miss out on the present.
God is less worried about our circumstances and more interested in the state of our heart. Are we making demands of God for the things that we want, or do we trust Him to lead us into His best? Do we throw a tantrum if our expectations aren’t met, or do we surrender our own ideals and ask Him to act as He chooses, when He chooses? I believe that our attitude is very often the gateway to seeing our prayers become a reality.
Until we truly know God and trust His heart towards us, we will be fearful or resentful of His instructions. But as we prioritise knowing Him, rather than simply seeking His ways, trusting Him will become easier, and following His path for our lives will become a delight.
Even while we wait for God’s promises, there is a life to be fully embraced and lived out every single day. Be fully present wherever you are right now. It may not be where you want to be, or what you would like to be doing, but when we walk in obedience to where God has placed us at this moment instead of always wishing each day away, we learn to see God in the mundane and life becomes an adventure!